Recently I had an epiphany, followed by a paradigm shift about how I am. Those are the best!

I often describe myself as being "boring." What I mean by that is that I have a fairly regimented life: I don't usually go out on school nights because I want to get to bed early and get up early. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, have casual (or formal) sex with casual (or formal) people, and generally I don't have a sparkling social life. I am single. I am a crazy cat lady. Yes, I only have 2 cats, but #crazycatlady is a state of mind. The words "dinner party" conjure nightmarish visions of cooking, organizing, and then dealing with  ... ugh ... people! I'm also not a clubber, even though I much enjoy singing along with the music in my car and "car dancing," which entails lots of chicken-head neck movements, bopping the steering wheel with my hands, and wiggling my butt in the car seat. Sometimes I go take photos of things or people. Often said photos are taken on my iPhone, spontaneously, and at most posted on InstagramFacebook.

What occurred to me is that perhaps boring is not the most accurate or empowering word to use. Not accurate because, let's face it, if you car dance you are automatically not boring. Also, I travel more than most, even though I'm a somewhat reluctant traveler and if I could basically never leave my house I would be pretty happy. Nevertheless, I travel. In recent years I have been to Egypt, Turkey, Paris, Pompeii, and Iceland, as well as the east coast a bunch of times.

What occurred to me is that my life is largely organized around one big commitment: performing at my best at work. And so I eschew activities that take up much energy, I go to bed early, I limit my social contact on weekends, so that I can do my very best at work. My work takes a lot of focus and mental energy, and requires constant growth and expansion of my skills and responsibilities. Nothing and no one sways me from this focus. Except of course taking care of my cats, but I can work from home part of the time so that largely takes care of that. Energy is a limited resource, and my time and energy are the most valuable resource I have. I refuse to expend it on anything that does not contribute significantly to my life and to my work. Time off and rest support this commitment. And so, as Warren Buffett suggests, I say no to almost everything.

I reject the idea that I'm boring, or that I should be following my passion (whatever the heck that is) instead of working hard at being an attorney, and I reject the idea that being fun (whatever the heck that means) is a requirement of good character. No. Actually, I don't reject those things, because that is actually the same as accepting those things, but with resentment.

Instead, I see myself differently now, like a professional athlete of the mind. Professional athletes live regimented lives because they have an unwavering commitment to their highest performance in their chosen field of practice; I, too, have a regimented life because of my unwavering commitment to my highest performance in my field of practice, the law. It is not who I am, it is what I do, but while I'm doing it, it is my passion and it takes the lead on how I run my life. 

And that's pretty much all I have to say about that.